Afraid of the Unknown
by newportbeachbabe
Summary: Did the question even need to be asked? Did Ryan ever think about sex? A continuation of Join the Club, Ryan's POV. Season two, one shot. Please review!


**Summary: Ryan thinks about sex and Marissa.**

**Background: This story takes place in season two. Ryan and Marissa have gotten back together and Trey is out of jail, but he has NOT tried to rape Marissa yet.**

**This story is similar in some ways to Join the Club (which you all should read and review! Please?). **

**A/N: So, for those of you who have read Join the Club, this another part of it I guess. I did not want to make it another chapter because I didn't feel that it fit. While both are thinking about sex with each other and if they had had sex with previous girlfriends/boyfriends, Marissa thinks about being a virgin. Ryan doesn't, but in turn thinks about how his friends would view the fact that he hadn't slept with Marissa yet. It will all make sense when you read it, trust me. Again, this will probably be a one-shot, but suggestions are welcome. I would like any and ALL reviews!**

**P.S.--I do not plan on writing a scene where Ryan and Marissa actually have sex. I do not feel I would be able to do it the justice it deserves. Hopefully, Josh will write one that is amazing.**

**P.P.S-- A huge thank you to the reviews for Join the Club. _J:_ Even though I was planning on writing Ryan's POV anyway, your review just inspired me to write it even more. _Dogsbody_: Your review got used a little--that line you left about regret and love being hell? I hope you don't mind. Thanks for leaving it and inspiring me. To all the others, thanks a million.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything that has to do with the O.C. I do, however, own the story. Do not steal and do not copy. (And the variation of the line "love is hell", although a widely used line, was taken from a review left by_Dogsbody_ in this instance.)

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Did the question even need to be asked? Did Ryan ever think about sex?

Ryan was a seventeen, almost eighteen, year old male. It was assumed that he thought about sex all the time.

But he supposed that when you had been having sex since you were thirteen, it was kind of placed on a back burner.

At least, that was his reasoning for not thinking about it 24/7.

Mostly it was his reasoning for only having had sex once since coming to Newport.

Some would blame it on the girls he had dated.

Some would blame it on the town.

Some would blame it on the drama.

Ryan blamed it on himself, in true shining knight form.

It wasn't that the girls weren't ready, although they weren't.

It wasn't that Orange County was totally different from Chino, although it was.

It wasn't that there was more drama, although there _was_ way more than there was in Chino.

It was that Ryan wanted everything to be perfect.

In Chino, you didn't worry about everything being perfect.

Then again, that might have been because nothing ever was perfect in Chino.

See, in Newport, Ryan had found two girls he cared deeply for. One he cared more deeply for than the other, but that wasn't the point.

In Chino, there had never been any girls he had cared for more than physical appearance. With the exception of Theresa of course, but Theresa had been raised in the same way Ryan had. Sex in Chino wasn't a bad thing, it was a rite of passage into manhood. Manhood that came at a very early age, but manhood nonetheless.

So when you are dealing with purely physical attraction and the jeers of your friends, you don't worry about the mood, or the other person's feelings, or what happens afterwards.

Although, secretly, Ryan had always worried about the other person's feelings.

He knew that if his old friends from Chino would have seen him, seen the way he had become this past year, seen the girl he had dated and the zero fights he had gotten into, they would mock him.

At the same time, they would wish they had been given the gift of a fresh start.

Since they couldn't have that, and they couldn't comprehend the change he had undergone, they would ask him about his sex life.

No doubt that those guys had all fathered at least one child, perhaps not knowingly, by now.

What would he say when they asked? That sex with Marissa (who they would all love to hook up with) was amazing? That Lindsay had been into all sorts of kinky things?

Or would he tell them the truth, that the only girl he had slept with in two years was a Chino girl, Theresa?

Luckily, they would never be coming here, so he had nothing to worry about.

He had worried about what he was going to tell Trey, though.

Trey was one of those guys, those Chino guys, tough on the outside and inside. Trey had always been good with the ladies, had always had some chick on his arm, sometimes multiple chicks, and was always bragging about the sex he had with them.

So of course, Trey wanted to know all the details about Ryan and Marissa.

Just because he had missed out on action for eighteen months didn't mean he couldn't live vicariously through Ryan.

Except that there was nothing to live vicariously for. Because there had been no action.

But did Ryan tell him that?

Or did he just try to dodge the question awkwardly?

Take a wild guess.

Part of the reason Ryan hadn't wanted to tell Trey was because Seth had been there, hanging on every word just as much, if not more, than Trey.

Which kind of creeped Ryan out a bit. He never asked for details on Summer; but then again, he got them anyway.

Ryan had never told Seth that he had not had sex with Marissa.

He knew that Marissa had probably told Summer they hadn't done the deed yet, but he doubted Summer would tell Seth.

And Seth, being Seth, most likely assumed that Ryan had slept with Marissa tons of times.

Ryan was not going to let Seth taunt him about getting more action than him.

Trey pushed him, of course. But Ryan used the excuse that it was private.

Ryan knew Trey didn't believe him.

Seth might have believed him, Ryan didn't really care.

That made Ryan think about what sex with Marissa would be like.

Although, a lot of things made him think about what sex with Marissa would be like.

He knew that Marissa had not had a good experience with sex. Could he blame her? The guy she had lost her virginity to had cheated on her and then slept with her mom.

Definitely not a good experience.

Sometimes he wondered if it was because of him that she chose that night to lose her virginity.

Selfish, he knew, but he couldn't help but wonder. Marissa had taken off in a hurry with Luke right after walking in on him and Gabrielle.

And then later, in T.J., she had told him that she had not been back together with Luke.

So why sleep with him if they weren't even dating yet?

Ryan didn't know if she had slept with D.J. He imagined she had, if only to piss off her mom. At the same time, though, he knew her.

Marissa was not one to just sleep with someone.

Which led him to Alex. Ryan was pretty sure they had slept together. After all, Marissa _had_ walked out of the bedroom wearing nothing but a robe and asked if they were going back to bed.

_Back._ Which means they had been in the bed in the first place.

Okay, so he had thought about that a lot. Remember, he is a male and they were two girls.

More than that though, it was _his_ girl. Ryan didn't dwell on it just because it was hot. Hegeniunelywanted to know if she had slept with Alex. Does that make him a bad person for being curious about his girlfriend's previous love life?

Maybe.

For sure, there was no question about whether or not he and Lindsay had slept together.

As much as he liked her, he had to admit that she was a good girl.

She didn't drink, didn't smoke, and definitely did not have sex.

Not that _that_ had been a problem for him. Honestly.

So, sex with Marissa.

He didn't want sex with Marissa to be hasty or done in spite. Assuming that she had not had sex with either D.J. or Alex, the last person she had slept with was Luke.

Ryan was pretty sure that had been done hastily and in spite.

Marissa deserved to be lavished. He knew that Marissa was the kind of girl who wanted to make love, not sex.

Which was what he was afraid of.

Ryan had never _made love_ before. In Chino, you didn't _make love_.

Perhaps that was the better question to be asked:

Was Ryan afraid of sleeping with Marissa?

In all honesty, yes. He had never slept with someone he was in love with. Did that change the way you acted during sex?

A better way of putting it is that Ryan was afraid of the unknown.

However, that had never stopped him before. Sandy had been unknown, Marissa had been uncertain, moving back to Chino had been unplanned.

Yet he had embarked on all those journeys. So why was this different?

Love really was hell. Sometimes, he thought that Chino had it figured out better than Newport. No one was in love in Chino. People just had one night stands and then moved on.

Then, he thought of Marissa.

And he realized that it didn't matter what his friends from Chino, or Trey, or Seth thought.

No matter who it was blamed on, it didn't change the fact that he loved Marissa, and Marissa loved him.

When they were ready, they would be ready.

And all of the other people would only be able to look enviously.


End file.
